"One man's lesson on aging and loneliness"

By Nancy Smallwood

Licensed Insurance Agent

Long before I graduated from college and began a career in health insurance, I waitressed. It was during this time as a waitress for a small college-town restaurant that I met Art. At first impression, Art was a grumpy, hard-to-please fella; he liked his eggs to be the perfect over-medium (not too runny but not not runny) and his toast had to be lightly toasted with extra butter or he would return it. He sat in the same seat at the counter every day. If someone else was in the seat he would patiently stand and wait (no matter how many open seats there were).

Art wore navy dress pants, a button up collared shirt, and a sweater vest on most day. He always carried a couple newspapers with him. He required a cup of hot water which he used to sanitize his silverware and only used grape jelly. He was a man of routine and was to most, not approachable.

On a slow day in the restaurant I struck up a conversation with Art. I asked him what his profession was. He advised that he was a professor of psychology at the local college. This really shocked me and I declared to Art, "I would never have guessed." He must have needed someone to talk to because he proceeded to advise me that he had taught for 50-years, did not like cell phones, and that he had lived in the village most of his adult life. He stated that he always wanted to move away but could not leave his family. Trying to keep the conversation going, (Art rarely spoke much), I asked "Your family does not want to move?"

His reply was unexpected..."they are burried here, they died together in a car accident...drunk driver." He grew quiet...I felt uncomfortable, how do I respond to that? I did not have to, Art continued. "...life does not prepare you for loneliness. If you live to be 90, like me" (this also surprised me, he did not look a day over 70-years-old)…"you most certainly will spend most of your days alone."

He continued and informed me that all of his friends and family were gone. He did not connect with his community, which was mostly college age, and he did not feel accepted into social clubs. Art's days began with a walk to the local market for the daily newspaper and small chat with the cashier. He then walked to the restaurant for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. His days ended with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a prayer.

Art confided in me from that day on and occasionally would share a joke or two with me. He humbly reflected on his life during many conversations, leaving lasting impressions. He found joy in the simplest things but divulged to me that he never was able to conquer loneliness.

One of Art's "jokes"

It has been 15-years since I spoke to Art. Loneliness and mental health were not topics that got much attention back then; ironically, loneliness in 2024 is one of the #1 mental health concerns for the aging population and our youth.

Art had a theory that learning to be comfortable with loneliness from an early age is one way to avoid the despair that is felt when loneliness invades your life.

Health Risks of Loneliness

• Social isolation significantly increased a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. (1)

• Social isolation is associated with about a 50% increased risk of dementia. (1)

• Poor social relationships (characterized by social isolation or loneliness) is associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% increased risk of stroke. (1)

• Loneliness is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide. (1)

• Loneliness among heart failure patients is associated with a nearly 4 times increased risk of death, 68% increased risk of hospitalization, and 57% increased risk of emergency department visits. (1)

How to manage Loneliness?

1. Learn more about being comfortable in your own company.

2. Try and open up to people you know.

3. Take it slow.

4. Make new connections.

5. Try not to compare yourself to others.

6. Look after yourself.

7. Try talking therapies.

Resources on Coping with Loneliness

Visit cdc.gov for more guidance and tools for fighting loneliness

AARP—Provides helpful information to seniors to help improve quality of life and provides access to Community Connection Tools.

Area Agencies on Aging (AAA)—A network of over 620 organizations across America that provides information and assistance with programs including nutrition and meal programs (counseling and home-delivered or group meals), caregiver support, and more. The website can help you find your local AAA, which may provide classes in Tai Chi and diabetes self-management.

National Council on Aging—Works with nonprofit organizations, governments, and businesses to provide community programs and services. This is the place to find what senior programs are available to assist with healthy aging and financial security, including the Aging Mastery Program® that is shown to increase social connectedness and healthy eating habits.

National Institute on Aging (NIA)– Provides materials on social isolation and loneliness for older adults, caregivers, and health care providers. Materials include health information, a print publication available to view or order no-cost paper copies, a health care provider flyer, and social media graphics and posts

Healthcare has recently identified what Art knew all along, that loneliness can cause devastation on one's health. Loneliness is inevitable and learning healthy coping strategies will lighten the affects of loneliness in your life.

Reach out to me to learn more about resources available through your healthcare plan to assist you with all your healthcare needs, including mental health issues like loneliness.

Email me at: [email protected]

Text or call me at: 607-661-6911

Or follow me on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551075748151

Nancy Smallwood

A.K.A: Agent Nancy

Arkport, NY

Reference

1 National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. 2020. Social Isolation and Loneliness in Older Adults: Opportunities for the Health Care System. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press